guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
