Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
