I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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