She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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