It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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