my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
