Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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