Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
