im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
