Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
