Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And then my night got REAL pukey
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
