I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
