Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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