yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
