So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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