I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
