There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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