Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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