cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
