Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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