I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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