I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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