i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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