i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
