it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
