her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
