About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
