the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
