So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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