KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
