yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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