Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
