if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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