Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
