Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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