We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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