I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
