Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
