she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
