I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
