Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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