Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
