dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
