i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
