If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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