are you still at the devil's house?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
