so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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