STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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