Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize