just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
