$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
