yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
