we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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