you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
