Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
