You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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