kristin has been a bad kristin
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
