Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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